I want to say, "Growl, ruff, ruff, ruff," but it comes out, "Ow, yip, yip, yip." I’d like to think I’m a tough guy, but I’m only a very small dog. Even if I was mean I couldn’t bite anything off above an ankle.

I know I’ve got a split personality, one strongly believes in my invincibility, but the other is a spineless coward. I can’t help it. It’s hard being a Chihuahua in a herd of giant mongrels.

The routine is always the same without fail. The gringo puts on his sneakers. The biggie doggie is getting ready to take her master for a walk. It is the happiest time of the day for her. She wags her tail and howls with excitement. At last the human is ready to leave.

"Oh, oh," I say, trying to get as small as possible. "Loco Grande wants to put me in the cage..., I think I better get in the cage." The gringo closes the door to the cage and says, "Good dog", whatever the heck that means.

At one time they tried to take me along with them for their walk, but my little legs couldn’t keep up with them. It was too cold and I shivered in the gringo’s arms throughout most of their excursion. It wasn’t long before I was banned from their morning outings.

At first I was left to roam the house, and I took advantage by finding far-flung places to leave my doggie dirt. The loco gringo would shout bad things when he stepped in it. Then he’d go really crazy, rub my nose in it and throw me outside. Two or three days of this and then he made me stay in the cage after that.

Every now and then strange people that look kind of like Loco Grande come and bang on the door. Lots of times the loco gringo wouldn’t even hear them if I didn’t let him know. He always comes by and pats me saying, "That’s a good doorbell." Whatever the heck that means.

I scamper around Loco Grande as he walks to the door, growling my most ferocious bark, even though I realize it’s only a little yip. Sometimes the loco gringo needs all the help he can get.

Loco Grande greets the stranger. Sometimes he laughs and says, "Sic ‘em". Whatever the heck that means. Then the stranger and the loco gringo laugh out loud. I’m acting tough, but I’d cower just as quickly. The stranger doesn’t seem overly excited. I growl around the stranger’s shoes while Loco Grande says sic ‘em some more.